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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
12:09 am - changes
So I think I only have one friend left. Paul. Ashley and I split ways. And I dont think any of my other friends like me anymore. I knew that was probably going to happen, but I thought it would be after I left for school.

I went to Japan last month. It was amazingly pretty but it was hard on me. It was the longest I have ever been away from Paul, not even able to talk to him. Plus, before I left we got into a big argument because we were fighting a lot and so we were kind of on a break type of thing. I guess it wouldnt have been so bad if I hadnt told him to go on a date or two with another girl. I just feel bad sometimes because he has never had another girlfriend so he has no idea what it would be like with another. I mean, he cant even know for sure if I kiss well. But he didnt, he says he knows that I am what he wants. I guess thats good. We have been good ever since then, we have out off days, but most of the time it is just good.

I love the summer. I can spend all of my time with Paul, except when he is at work. But other than that we are always together. My mom always asks me if I am bored of him yet, but I am not. He is my best friend and my boyfriend. I dont get bored... at least not of him.

I worry about going to school though. I really hope we can make it but sometimes I worry that the distance thing will just be too much for us. He says he feels the same way. I guess its a good thing I trust him as much as I do. That way I wont worry as much about him and other girls. But then I worry when I say things like that. On tv and stuff, it is always the girls like that that have player boyfriends. I dont think he is a player it just makes me think I should put my guard up a little more when I leave. But I know I love him so it should be ok in the end.

Thats all for now, and probably for a while.

current mood: happy

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Saturday, February 11th, 2006
3:05 pm - Wow
So, I havent been here in a while and Ashley kept bugging me to update, so here it is.

Lets see, since christmas...

I got into Catawba(yay!) and now I get to go and try for this scholarship thing. I guess thats good too. Its a little stressful though.

I get to go to WV for spring break which is also a yay. I love it there and I havent been in a while.

What else?

Oh, Paul. Yay! I love him. I dont know what else to say about that. He just makes me really happy. He was in the hospital last week though. That was a little scary. But hes ok now. I dont think, wait, I know that I wont want to leave when I go to college. Im just so used to seeing him everyday that not seeing him just isnt going to sit well with me. I mean, I didnt see him for like 2 days last week and it felt like 2 weeks. I think I might be a little too addicted. Not that I am complaining.

I guess that is all for now.


current mood: calm

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Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
6:57 pm - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
My Christmas has been great. I hope yours has too.

I got lots of cool stuff from my family: my parents got me a head unit for my car, my aunt and uncle got me a harry potter game, my grandparents got me the perfume I wanted, and I got some other things from my family.

Ashley and I still have to give each other our gifts. Should be fun. And I still have my brothers present to get.

The best present, by far, was the necklace Paul gave me. I was actully speechless. If you know me you know that this is not something that happens to me. It was super sweet. But he left on monday to go hunt in Georgia. Ive realized that everthing Ashley and Danial say about us is true. We do makeout alot, we are easily attached, and, although we dont consider this a phase, I guess we are fairly 'cutsy.' But now I feel slightly bad becuase I always make fun of Danial for freaking out when Ashley isnt there. Im not saying Im freaking out-I think Im keeping it together-, but I do miss him. My mom says I light up when he calls. I dont know about that, I just think it makes me happy. Now I dont remember what I was getting at. Heh, he just called.

Thats all for now.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
8:47 pm - Random
ok, this one doesnt even make sense. its supposed to be what you are subconsiouly thinking about... it didnt even ask any important questions but this was my answer:

Your mind is subconciously thinking about Guns and Ammo.

whatever thats about.

so this is whats going to happen to me in the next 10 min:

ur gonna feel sleepy and lye on ur bed,when u fall asleep ur bed is gonna eat u up!!!!!if i where u i suggest u have a blueberry pie 2 give 2 ur bed....all beds luv blueberry pie!!!!!


is it sad that this is true?

You are in a Dream:
Your always dreaming and thinking of things on how they should be and not how they are you want what you dream about so badly.

this is what my birth month means.. some of it is right... others, not so much:

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking andproductive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.

this is you ashley:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent andclever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Danial was the same as me. This is Paul... lol:

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see.

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8:11 pm - Whoa
ok, so i was just messing around on the internet and i ended up on quizilla... so i was taking some quizzes and i saw one about harry potter. it was who would be your guy if you went to hogwarts.... look at this:

Viktor Krum
You go for the 'strong, silent type'. All masculine, ready to protect you in a heartbeat, all this guy needs is a girl to bring him out of his shy shell. Some things don't need to be spoken to be understood!

Not so much the name... but the rest of it. sound like any one else? i just thought it was funny. a little creepy if i do say so.

ill do more and update you if anything else is cool.

current mood: amused

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Sunday, December 4th, 2005
8:37 pm
So, they yelled at each other some but they didnt end up fighting. Although Paul did punch a locker and dent it. He kept telling me that nothing would happen but I didnt believe him. But nothing did happen so its all good. Well, most of it is good. It is still a little strange between me and shawn. But I guess that is to be expected.

I think girls make their lives way more complex than boys do. I mean, just recently I have started to just take things as they come and not over think every little thing. Life is so much easier now. I assume over analyzing is a girl thing... unless it was just a me thing. That could be too. At any rate, my life is less stressful now. And I think I am finally getting over being sick.

Christmas is almost here. It doesnt even feel like it. I have to figure out what I am going to get people. Well, I guess all that is really left is Ashley and Paul... and if I get Amber something. I got the family covered.

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Saturday, November 19th, 2005
11:16 am - The Routine
It isnt anymore. My routine is totally thrown off. But I like that. I never know what to expect from day to day. I had never realized how boring my life was before.

Holy Shit. I graduate in May. I am not ready for that. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. I cant wait to get out of here but I dont want to leave. I guess it is just complicated.

My parents come back tomorrow. And then my sister comes home soon too. And she is bringing John. Every time I talk to her, she asks about Paul and says how much she wants to meet him. I feel slightly sorry for him. Im sure it will be fine.

I cant decide if I should be mad at him or not. And I cant decide if I am slightly mad at him because I want to be or because I just should be. When I look at it from his point of view it begins to make more sense. If I had higher self-esteem, I would want to as well. Partially to prove that I could and partially to make them shut up. Maybe thats what hes thinking. I also think he was probably brought up to defend himself. My mom always taught that fighting wasnt the answer. But that is just me. But if I look at it from the... uh... other point of view, I wouldnt just be like "yeah he could beat me up." I just dont know. I will be mad if he does it, but for now I understand where he is coming from. Maybe I over reacted a little bit. Sorry. But I guess I should tell him that not you.

I just dont want the world mad at me for what he did. And I really dont want him to get hurt. I think if I said that to him, he would laugh.

Oh well.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: confused

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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
6:45 pm
I should update you...

I did get the shoes... on the monday after I posted that my mom ordered them... they still arent here. That makes me mad.

I seem to get really depressed when I am by myself now. I think it is just because I have been around everyone a lot lately. Its been nice. I like going out, even if we do nothing. I dont really care.

So me and paul are good i guess. I hear a lot of stuff from a lot of differrnt people. But I have decided that I am not going to over think anything anymore. Not that I am going to stop caring or anything, Im just going to take it as it is. I realize that I only make myself upset in the end when I overthink things.

I dont know if I am really that excited about Harry Potter coming out. I want to see it. But its not like it was. I still love it. I just... I dont know. Its just like another movie coming out. I guess Im just growing up some.

Ive decided that its ok to grow up. I dont know if i have any, but atleast now im open to it.

Starting on the 11th im going to be spending 10 days with ashley cuz my mom and dad are going on their cruise. I really hope we dont fight or anything. We havent fought in a while but 10 days is a long time.

At any rate, my mom is giving me lots of money when she leaves. I should treat us all to something. I dont know what. Give me your suggestions.

Thats all for now. I have homework to finish.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: okay

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Monday, October 24th, 2005
11:10 am - :o
I found boots I want. Its all Ashleys fault. She took me into Sheplers... when you walk in there all you see is boots. Look at them!!


I really hope I get them.

BTW Because of this storm we dont have school. That would be cool if I was allowed to leave my house.

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
10:10 am
Am I the only one that thinks best right before going to bed? It really sucks, let me tell you now. My brain just goes nonstop. I think that is half the reason I cant get to sleep quickly. People tell me I should meditate before bed but I cant do that... the whole not thinking thing just doesnt work for me.

And I can only ever think about nonsense things or that I wouldnt know the answers to ever. It sucks.

So, now Im extra tired because Ashley and I didnt get in bed until around 1 and then we were up talking until around 2 30. But then I had extra thinking time.

I wish brains had a shutoff switch.

Atleast Ashley and I got some talking done. Thats a good thing.

See you in another dimension... preferably the sleep one.

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
2:08 pm - a thought
so I was on crazythoughts.com... you should all go there by the way, have a good laugh... and I read one:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

And it made me thing... in all actuality, if a kids dream was to be assassinated, that would be a good one. cuz they would have to be famous or important in order for that to happen.

just thought you should all know.

current mood: accomplished

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Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
2:01 pm - At school.
How crazy is it that I can update not at lunch... ha!

I just printed the sonnet that I have to memorize.

I was just bored and wanted to feel special. I should make a special dance.

Maybe not.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: awake

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Monday, October 17th, 2005
8:01 pm - Calm down, me!
Hum Hum.

Um, I know. I ate at Pauls house on Sunday night. That was ok. I was so nervous before. But his parents were really nice. Hes great too.

Oh, I accidentally smacked him today. He was messing with the phone when I was on it and I reached over to playfully smack him and I actually did. I felt sooo bad. But I kissed it better. We went to get wings tonight, cuz it was all you can eat. It was so good. But then I left my rings there and we had to go back. But man, I was totally crazy! I was all hyper and stuff. It was kinda scary. I should appoligize tomorrow.

Oh, and Danial totally skrewed around with everything Ashley and I were saying, so I thought she was mad at me about my key so that made me mad at her. But she wasnt even mad at me. How silly. So we think that we should have a girl weekend this weekend and have less boy time. Boys take up time. Bros before Hos. Ashley being my bro and Paul being my ho... lol. I should call him a ho and see what he does.

Thats all for now.

See you in another dimension.

By the way I didnt spell check this.

current mood: happy

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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
7:20 pm - Wow
I went to the Dew Action Sports Tour last night with Paul and Ashley and Danial. We only saw a little of the biking, which was disappointing but thats ok. The concert was amazing! I can't even explain what it was like. The All American Rejects were first. I knew less of their songs but it was still good. There was a group of guys in front of us that kept opening up a mosh pit. Danial and Paul got pulled into it, but they said it was fun. There was also this dad behind us. He was crazy. Not only did he pull his kids back from the front, but he also kept a fist in my back. Annoying. Then Hoobastank came on. This is where the wow comes in. I love to see Hoobastank in concert. They are so great. I love to just go crazy. And I didn't have to feel guilty that I had a guys arm around my waist cuz it was Paul. Anyway, it was a lot of fun.

current mood: excited

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Saturday, October 8th, 2005
11:40 pm - Snore
I always seem to fall asleep during movies. It's not that I get bored, I just get too comfortable. Either that or I can't get comfortable, so I just get sleep comfortable. It's a little confusing I know. But you would fall asleep too if you had Paul rubbing your back. I know it.

I'm afraid to kiss him, by the way. I am afraid I will scare him. I guess it will happen sometime, which I wont mind. I just dont think I want to initiate it. If that makes sense. We will see. Eventually.

I will miss break. Sleeping in late; Eating whenever; Hanging out with everyone all the time. Sigh. School sucks. I will go crazy in college.

I found some shoes I might consider for prom. Here:
They are cute.

I don't think I should write this right before I go to bed. That is always the time when I have the most thoughts running around in my head. If I told you all of them, you would not only think I was insane, you would also think I was crazy. But I guess insane and crazy are close together. So I just won't tell you.

I think I should dress like Mary Sue in Pleasntville. That would be fun.

Or I should make something explode. Or light something on fire. One of those. You can pick.

If I have any strange dreams tonight, I will be sure to inform you of it. Even if it isnt strange I will probably tell you. I just cant seem to keep things to myself.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: lethargic

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Friday, October 7th, 2005
5:16 pm
So break has been pretty fun. I havent done too too much, which is good. Relaxing.

Oh. My. Gosh. I got my prom dress!!!! I cant even believe it. And I totally rock it... not to sound all into my self, but it does look good. Its green and long and beautiful!

Paul and I went fishing yesterday. It was fun. But we didnt catch anything. Thats ok cuz I got to play with the worms. They are so cute. But then he made me put on one the hook and I was so afraid I was going to poke myself but I didnt. He did. Heh. Then it rained on us... I love the rain.

I had a crazy dream last night where there was some kind of dance at our school and Ashley went but Danial didnt want to. So it was me and paul and danial and amber all in the car together. So we dropped amber off at the opera, because thats where she wanted to go... I have no idea why. Anyway, I wanted to go to the dance but I didnt want to go alone so I was trying to convince Paul to go with me. He was driving and I was sitting behind him so I decided that I would message his shoulders to make him want to go. Then I was kissing his check but I dont know if we went or not. All I remember is saying please over and over and danial laughing. It was odd.

Thats all I know to say at the moment.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: relaxed

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Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
1:48 pm - Boo
We(ashley, danial, billy, me and paul) went to Halloween Horror Nights last night. It was freaky. I think I killed Pauls hand. Oh well, thats why you take boys. But it was fun.

Thats really all I have to say for now. Ill update later.

See you in another dimension.

current mood: calm

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Friday, September 30th, 2005
12:11 pm - :)
Remember when I had that one entry that talked about the perfect day? Well, I had it... to a certain extent.

We were at Danial's watching Everwood. Well, it was going really slow and a bit boring. So I turned to go to sleep. Then Paul was rubbing my back and I fell asleep. Then he fell asleep. Danial said we slept for like 30 min. It was nice.

Then he kissed me. :)

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
7:41 pm - How rude.
When is it ok to tell me I need to update my live journal when neither Ashley nor Danial, the two who told me I need to, haven't updated in a while either?

Just for that, I don't think I'll update with anything meaningful right now.

Just as a side note, I don't feel nauseous anymore. I have no idea what it was, but I hope it is gone for good.

I am still debating over whether or not to wear my new shoes tomorrow. I don't know what I would wear them with. I will just have to see.

I am also supposed to go to Halloween Horror Nights saturday night with Paul, Ashley and Danial. I'm not gunna lie, I am scared shitless. Not only do strange things pop out at you... but the theme is to twist fairy tales up so they end up being all cruel and nasty. I think I like fairy tales too much to want it to be all cruel and nasty. Sigh.

On a side note, I think I will have a high GPA for this nine weeks. That makes me happy. I have tried really hard this year. I took my ECE and English exams today, probably two of my easiest, and it wasn't so bad. I am a little nervous for my Government exam tomorrow. I'll be fine though, because we have test corrections for it.

On another side note, I have a crazy urge to try drugs again. Again as in the urge not to try. Is it bad that I want to? Too bad if it is really. I just think I should know what they are like. I don't want to become an addict or anything. The problem is that even though I want to try it, I have no means to get it or anyone to do it with me. Any volunteers?

I lied about this not being long... although I am not sure if it is meaningful or not. At least its something. *clear throat and glares*(I know my glares don't even come close to Ashley's, but lets pretend that my internet glares are very powerful hint hint)

See you in another dimension.

current mood: tired

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Monday, September 26th, 2005
5:39 pm - I told you so
My mom got home today and I had been asleep so she walked into my room and she said:

"How are you feeling?"
"Are you pregnant?"

I called it.

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